Cherish
by KyinHI
Summary: Post Knockdown fluff most likely. No clue where I'm going with this but it seems like a decent place to start.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Cherish

**Summery: **Post Knockdown fluff most likely. No clue where I'm going with this but it seems like a decent place to start.

My first foray, ever, into any kind of fic. I'm so scared to pull the trigger and post. I welcome all feedback. Be it hearty applause or screams to never, ever, write a sentence again. I'm a big girl. I can take it.

No beta. All mistakes are mine. Unfortunately I don't own Castle. If I did we wouldn't be waiting 4 months for a conclusion. Vacation? They don't need no stinking vacation! Also, I'd probably be so busy fan-girling over Nathan that Castle would be a pretty craptacular show. So it's probably a good thing. All things considered.

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><p>Time slowed, sound blurred. The screams of the other funeral goers dulled into a slight hum. As Kate's eye fluttered shut a piece of Richard Castle heart crumbled.<p>

He stared in disbelief. His partner, his best friend, his 'one-and-done' if he were to use her words and be completely honest with himself. So full of life and always quick with a light-hearted comeback or an affectionate scolding was still. It unnerved him. Although he knew the dangers of her job, he never really thought this day would come. They had always escaped in the nick of time. A phone call seconds before a bomb went off, a well-placed heel to the wrist, a risky but successful pull on a bunch of wires. Somewhere in his writer's mind he always thought that the universe was pulling for them and that no real harm could come to them if they were together. He watched some loose tendrils of her hair flutter in the breeze and smelled the fresh cut grass mingling with the acrid scent of blood, her blood, and felt a wave of nausea take him over. Still, she was so still.

He was jolted out of his daze by a rough pull on his shoulders. Esposito was throwing him out of the way.

"Castle, you have to move! Let Lanie help her!"

Numbly he stood up and scanned the cemetery for his family. His mother, Martha and daughter Alexis were being ushered to a car by Detective Ryan. Most of the gatherers were running from the scene, some of the officers heading in the direction from where the shot had been fired. He took a deep breath to quell the sick feeling in his stomach and satisfied that his family was in good hands he returned his attention to his partner laying on the grass. Right before she had closed her eyes he had told her he loved her. He saw a moment of recognition and detected a hint of a smile. _If only_, he thought. Would any of the horrific events of the past two days have happened if he had had the courage to tell her his true feelings when he had confronted her about her mother's case the other night? He had called her a coward. Accused her of hiding in relationships with men she didn't love. But was he really any better? Friend. Partner. That is what he had said. She had all but told him to make the first move when she had asked if that is what they were. He saw it in her eyes, she was almost daring him to say, what they both already knew, out aloud. This was their dance. Meaningful looks, hushed conversations in out-of-town hotel rooms, promises of '_always'_ and missed opportunities. Each of them were terrified of being hurt, of being rejected. And so they never quite pulled the trigger. It took a bullet for him to crack. He almost smiled at the analogy his mind had come up with. Almost. He feared he had just experienced their last missed opportunity. A gasp and a splutter stole him out of his reverie.

_I haven't lost her, she still with me! _He crouched down beside her and held her cool hand. He heard the sirens drawing near, saw a renewed rush of people around him and squeezed her hand. He felt the faintest of clasps in return and the world sped back up again.

"Kate, hold on. We don't end this way. Do you hear me? I can't re-write _this _ending either but you are sure as hell going to try."

Her eyelashes fluttered and her grip tightened. She was fighting. His heart-rate sped up as hope spread throughout his chest.

Maybe the universe __was__ still pulling for them.

"Come on Castle, let the EMTs do their job." Esposito said, this time more gently pulling him away. "Let us take you to the hospital" Lanie tugged his other sleeve and they led him to the car. He offered a watery smile, grateful for his friends concern and watched as Kate was loaded on to the waiting ambulance.

Esposito watched as Castle's eyes filled once again with fresh tears. "You know bro, when she wakes up, she is gonna kick your ass for declaring your love in front of the entire precinct." He shoved aside his own fears and put on his best smirk, hoping to allay some of the writer's pain.

Castle let out a small chuckle as he jumped into the backseat of the car, "I can take an ass-kicking, if it means she's at my side. I'll take a thousand ass-kickings."

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><p>Okay, so there you have it. The first thing I have put down on paper in probably 10 years. More? Stop immediately?<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

So here I am again. Feeling slightly giddy. I woke up to reviews and story alerts and some kind soul who had made me a favorite author. I am humbled..and terrified. More it is.

Still no beta, still don't own Castle. All mistakes are my own. Tell me about them. I want to know.

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><p>The ride to the hospital was agonizingly slow despite Esposito pushing all safe limits of driving in New York City. Looking out the window he saw people continue about their daily business. A woman with too many shopping bags. A man arguing to some unknown person on the other side of a cell phone. A couple sitting at a bus stop. Kissing and laughing. Being a writer with a bit of a flare for romance that last scene would usually have warmed his heart. He would have pointed it out to Kate. Raised an eyebrow, shot her a cocky grin. She would have rolled her eyes at him and directed him back to the task at hand. But not today. Didn't they know that one of New York's finest was waging a war against time? Didn't they care that without Kate Beckett in the city, it would be a little less safe to go to bed at night? He expected a parting of the Red Sea, he expected a motorcade and traffic diversions. Instead his heart rate sped up every time the ambulance in front of them had to slow down to cross a red light or blare it's horn at some oblivious jay-walker.<p>

Pulling up the the hospitals emergency bay, he jumped out of the car and rushed over to where the paramedics were hurrying her inside. A flurry of activity ensued. Shouts of vitals that he didn't or maybe just couldn't in his current state of duress understand. He saw her wheeled through a set of gleaming, stainless steel double doors. Her father was holding her hand; he had a pained expression on his face. Rick felt a stab of guilt. He hadn't even thought about Kate's father at the cemetery. He had promised to take care of her and had failed. Miserably. He wanted to follow her but a gruff looking nurse in ridiculously perky looking 'Care Bear' scrubs grabbed his arm and halted him.

"I'm sorry Sir, you can't go through there. Family only. The waiting area is on the third floor if you would like to go on up."

Her stern look brokered no arguments. He scanned the lobby area. Saw her medics leaving. He ran after the nearest one, an older man with kind looking eyes who had given him a comforting nod of the head as they left the cemetery. Melvin. That's what his name tag said.

"Please, how is she? They won't tell me anything. They won't let me see her."

The older man sighed, obviously this wasn't strictly protocol. "It was touch and go for a bit back there. Her vitals dropped dangerously low and she was in and out of consciousness. She called out a few times. Always and apples." Rick smiled despite himself. "Didn't make much sense. She is in the best care here though Sir, focus on that. Pray for her. Go find your family." The medics radio sparked to life and with a warm pat on the shoulder he briskly walked away.

Rick made his way to the elevator, a song was playing. _Cherish,_ by _The Association._

_Cherish is the word I use to describe,  
>All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside,<br>You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you,  
>You don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you,<br>You don't know how many times I've wished that I could mold you into someone who could cherish me as much as I cherish you..._

Rick snorted. How fitting. He brushed a tear away as the elevator dinged three. He took a deep breath and rushed into the waiting arms of his mother and daughter. They bombarded him with questions as they ushered him to the waiting room. _How is she. Did you see the shooter. Are you okay? I love you Daddy. Richard darling, I'm so sorry. _He sat down in a bank of uncomfortable chairs. It reminded him of an airport lobby. Row upon row of linked, plastic chairs. People with faraway looks on their faces. Avoidance of eye contact. A hint of stale coffee and the the stench of harsh cleaning chemicals. When he traveled he usually found comfort in these things. He made up stories in his head about where they were going, who they were seeing. Elaborate plots and happy endings. He thought to himself that he may never fly commercial again. _Carbon footprint be damned, Alexis, _he thought with a hint of a smile. That smell though, those faces would forever remind him now of pain and uncertainty. The wait stretched on and on. Punctuated by offers of coffee, pats on the hand, knowing looks from Kate's father. He thought back to the night of the dirty bomb. He was going to tell her that night. As the clock ticked down and they gazed into each others eyes for what they thought was the last time, a strange sense of peace had come over them. _How can this be happening? At least we are going out together. Always. I love you. _It was that last phrase running through his mind, her eyes, that had jolted him into action. Made him pull those wires in what was quite possibly his most stupid move ever. Back at the precinct over beers and banter, Javier had said they didn't know how lucky they were and they had shared another look. Out in the hallway he was ready to take his chance. He'd seen Josh walking towards them and his heart had sunk. Another missed opportunity.

_Josh.._

Richard Castle was an honorable man. And so, with a heavy heart he raised himself from his plastic seat, made an excuse about needing air and went out in search of Kate's beau. Josh would want to know. He had stayed home during that dirty bomb case. He had obviously loved Kate. Kate has wanted for it to have a chance. Wanted to make it work. Richard Castle hadn't heard much about him lately but figured if the shoe was on the other foot he would want to be there. Kate deserved to be happy even if she didn't know it was with him yet. He made his way up to the nurses station and asked where the Cardiology wing was.

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><p>And so, the story continues. Still a bit purposeless. Still have no idea where I'm going with it. I hope you are still enjoying it.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3..alas, I still don't own anything.

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><p>Richard Castle was an honorable man for sure but that didn't mean he wasn't dreading this conversation. He desperately wanted to be the one who was there, holding her hand when she woke up. <em>She will wake up.<em> _She has to. _He knew though that doing the honorable thing, the thing he'd want someone to do for him meant that he would be shuffled aside. Technically he was just her friend, not even her partner officially. He was her shadow, a consultant, an over-paid writer who'd gotten lucky enough to not have her throw him out after their first case together. The corridor down to Cardiology was long and bright, punctuated by bursts of laughter and life through patient room's doors. Blue, red and green carpeting, an intricate pattern of swirls and circles. A bright yellow arrangement of daffodils, sea green walls much like the color of Kate's eyes when she was blithely refuting another of his hare-brained CIA ideas. A bunch of balloons that seemed more fitting for a child's party sat next to an old man who was snoring softly with a content smile on his aged time-worn face. Looking out the bank of windows he saw that the sky was gray. At least the weather had the decency to appreciate the gravity of the situation. _Better late than never. _He remembered scoffing at the weather when he had woken this morning. Captain Montgomery's funeral should not have occurred on such a lovely spring day. His thoughts wandered back in time. _Captain's Montgomery's funeral. A betrayal and ultimate redemption. A whispered pact to not let on. Family. Someone willing to stand with you. I love you. Don't leave me. Stay. How did we get to this point? _Large, globular raindrops splashed rhythmically against the pains. A soundtrack for his death march. He had no legitimate right to be at her bedside. Once her boyfriend knew what had happened he would be relegated to the waiting room, forced to put on a concerned but not devastated face. He would be told to go home, shower, eat, move on with his life. Go back to work writing novels. Deadlines to meet. Publishers to satisfy. Somewhere along the way he had come to see writing as his hobby and solving homicides as his day job. He didn't think he could go back. He didn't want to. He reached the nurses station and winced before taking a deep breath.

"Josh Davidson please."

The matronly old woman looked out at him from above wire framed bifocals and gave him a once over.

"And you are?"

"Err, Richard Castle. Please, I need to speak to Dr. Davidson."

"Richard Castle, the author? Oh! I just loved your Storm series. Why on earth did you kill Derrick Storm? Not that I'm not a fan of Nikki Heat of course, she's wonderful. But Derrick, ah.." she light out a long drawn out breath, "he's my one true love." Her smile was bright, enthusiastic. She was gushing.

Rick took a deep breath and sighed. "Please, I just need to.."

But the woman was busy rustling around under her desk. Looking for some weathered copy of _Storm Fall_, prattling on about what a fan she was. He gripped the speckled gray laminate of her desk with white knuckles and put on a face of patience. Fame was usually a perk of his job. It afforded him the best tables at restaurants and front row seats at_ Knicks_ games. His fans made him as successful as he was and were the reason he had the luxury of following around his muse instead of being shackled to a nine to five desk-job. Today though, he wished he was just an anonymous Joe. He needed answers, not adulation.

"Rick?"

"Josh.."

At that moment the woman thrust the book and a pen at him. He grimaced out a smile, scrawled out a greeting and turned to the man who would seal his fate as friend, partner, second place, not enough.

"Josh, it's Kate.."

"Oh God, what happened? Is she okay? Is she here? Of course, she's here. Why else would you be here instead of her?

They sat down on a row of chairs and Richard began. He told the doctor of the week's events. Of her mother's case, of the courtroom escape and manhunt, of their fight at her apartment and of prying Kate from Montgomery's side minutes before his death. He told him everything. It came rushing out in halting prose. He inwardly smiled that he sounded somewhat like Captain Kirk. Kate would have laughed at him. He usually had such a way with words, could spin a tale that had the entire precinct memorized. At that moment all he could do was spew it out. Discharge the contents of his thoughts like the remnants of a hard nights drinking. He'd made it to the Captain's funeral and felt a stab in his heart. His mind had been replaying it over and over, _ad nauseum_. The glint of the rifle sight, the click in his brain when it registered, flying towards Kate, seeing the blood, so much blood and realizing he was too late. For the first time since the event he broke down. This was not a solitary tear, a snuffle and a swipe at moist eyes. This was a forlorn, aching '_sob-fest'_ for want of better phrase.

A few minutes passed and finally he realized where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. A spring in his seat was dislodged and dug painfully into his thigh. Embarrassed at his outburst and knowing he'd said too much, Richard dared a look to his left. The young man at his side had a glazed over expression. He had one hand on Richard's back, patting it slightly and the other was gripping the armrest of his chair. His adam's apple bobbed up and down in his throat, he was holding back tears. He was a kind man Richard realized. He had just been told his girlfriend had been perhaps mortally wounded, her partner was sobbing out a confession and yet Josh was doing his best to comfort _him_. He had created an image in his head of a motorcycle riding, womanizing, arrogant, boy. Someone who couldn't appreciate the gift that was Katherine Beckett. He had been wrong and wished he could take back the ugly, jealous thoughts that had previously invaded his mind at the mention or rare sight of Doctor Motorcycle Boy. A moniker he now felt childish for creating.

"You're in love with her aren't you?"

"I..." Rick's head popped up and he felt color spreading throughout his chest and rising to his cheeks. He shifted back in his uncomfortable chair and gave the man a wary gaze.

"No Rick, it's...okay. Kate and I...We've..had fun. But I always knew she wasn't fully invested. Her mothers case? She never even told me about it. She's been holding back. Asking me to stay and yet pushing me away when I did. Making excuses not to go out, share a dinner, have a laugh. I don't think she realizes she's doing it. Ever since I stayed home from Haiti, after that bomb scare, things have changed. Her hearts not in it anymore. She's been trying, for sure. Going through the motions if you will. I guess...well, I always knew you two were..close. I think I've just been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was too selfish to end it myself. She's one hell of a woman."

"Josh, I.."

"Really Rick, for a writer you sure don't have much of a way with words." He gave a small smirk and nudged the forlorn looking writer on the shoulder.

"Go to her. Take care of her. Love her. One of these days she might even realize she loves you back." There was a small, sad smile on his face.

And with that, the handsome doctor stood up, shook his hand and walked beyond a set of double doors. Rick shook his head and stared after him in wonder. The man had the composure and grace of a saint. As the conversation had started he thought that perhaps by now he would be nursing a broken jaw or a swollen nose. He certainly deserved it. His intention was to inform Josh of Kate's condition and retreat. Apologize for not being able to protect her. Instead, he'd all but professed his love for the man's girlfriend and Josh had the patience to not only listen to him but to bow out gracefully when he realized he was fighting a losing battle. Rick made a mental note to send a large, anonymous donation to _Doctors Without Borders _and silently wished the man safety and the life he deserved with a woman like Kate at his side.

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><p>Okay, that was a hard chapter to write. Lots of dialogue. The shipper irritant to take care of. As much as I hate him on a shipper level, I don't think he's a bad guy. I hope I did his departure justice.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

This story is taking over my life. I wasn't going to write anymore today but the bug bit me and I couldn't NOT put it out there. As always mistakes are my own and not a beta has laid eyes on it. Hopefully everyone is still in character and you are all still along for the ride. Without further ado...Chapter 4.

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><p>It was late now he supposed. The rest of the Twelfth had long since departed with wishes of good luck and promises to be informed of any updates. All that remained were Kate's 'family'. On his left, Lanie and Javier were seated next to him, their hands clasped tightly. A lifeline that seemed to be holding them both upright and together. Tonight was not the night for pretenses. Lanie would let out a sob and Esposito would wipe away a tear, brush her cheek with a light kiss and quietly hush her.<em> 'B<em>_ebé, ningunos rasgones__ '._ No tears, baby. In all other instances something like that would have brokered hours of ribbing, merciless teasing. But not tonight. Tonight Rick ached for that quiet closeness that only two lovers could share. Detective Ryan paced the room like a caged lion. Peppering his collisions with the end of the room with curses before continuing on in the opposite direction. _'I'm gonna kill those fuckers. How can they get away with this? If she dies..' _That one hit him hard, like a knife to the gut. He fixed Kevin with an icy stare and the angry Irishman plopped unceremoniously into a vacant chair across from the writer. He flicked Richard an apologetic glance. Rick nodded his acquiescence in return. Jim Beckett softly snored in the far corner of the room, occasionally crying out. '_Johanna.' _or _ 'Katie.'_ The man had more than his fair share of tragedy. No god would be cruel enough to have the man lose both loves of his life to murder. Surely.

_Katie,_ Rick thought. "Katie.." he breathed out, a whisper. It felt nice rolling off his tongue. He wondered if she would ever give him the chance to use that name. Probably not. _Baby, honey, sugar? Stick with Kate for now, Romeo. _The rain had passed and the stars were shining outside of the waiting room window. Twinkling points of light in an inky, black sky. As a boy he'd looked to the stars and wondered of their origin. Thought about the many different worlds spinning up there above our earthbound heads. Written boyish stories about big-headed aliens and man-eating lizard beasts. He'd tracked their path across the night sky and marveled at the simple beauty of their recurring artery. Now he simply made wishes upon them. _Please, let her be okay. Bring her back to me. Let me love her. Let her love me._

He was interrupted from his reverie by a soft tap on the doorway and the rustling of a middle-aged surgeon in royal blue scrubs removing his mask. Jim Beckett popped up and out of his slumber without hesitation. Richard rushed over to where he stood, as did the others.

He ran his hands through his salt and pepper hair. "Family of Katherine Beckett?" he inquired.

Jim spoke up. "Yes, doctor. Is my daughter okay?"

"Your daughter was incredibly lucky Mr Beckett. The gunshot damaged her liver but missed all major arteries and was by and large a simple, laparoscopic repair to both her liver and surrounding blood vessels. She did however lose a large amount of blood and was in hypovolemic shock when she arrived. We gave her blood products and medicines to increase her blood pressure. While she is not out of the woods yet, I do believe with time and a lot of patience she will make a full recovery."

Jim visibly deflated and Richard took a hold of his elbow to steady the man. Richard spoke up. "Thank you, Doctor..?"

"Oh, I'm Doctor Hudson, Mike Hudson. And no problem at all. I know you'll be eager to see her. She's still in recovery right now but should be in her room within about an hour. Room 311. Take a right out these doors, go down the hall and take another right. It will be on your left. I'll ask you not to stay too long. She will still be in and out of consciousness and will be on a heavy course of antibiotics and narcotics for the next few days. Talk to her, hold her hand. Let her know you are here. The thing she needs most right now though is rest. So please, as I said, _not too long_." The last sentence was fixated with a knowing smile on both Richard and Jim. As both men nodded their assent the surgeon shook the men's hands, survived a ferocious hug from Lanie, turned and took his leave.

Jim embraced Richard in a fierce embrace. "Our girl's going to be okay." he breathed. _Our girl? I can go with that. _He grinned at Jim. "Well, let's get a move on! I wouldn't want to face Kate's wrath if she woke up and we weren't there to welcome her back." Jim grinned back and clapped the author on his shoulder. "Right you are my boy! I knew you weren't as dumb as you looked."_ My boy?_ He winked at the smiling author and with a renewed sense of hope the group made their way down the corridor to Kate's room.

A few short minutes later Kate was wheeled into the room. The mood in the room soured dramatically. Wires poked out from under the sheets. Bags of medication and saline hung on an IV pole. Her face had a sallow, sunken in quality that spoke to her liver damage. Dark circles ringed her eyes. The persistent _beep, beep, beep _of the heart monitor soothed their weary hearts though and smiling they took their places around her bed. Detective Ryan was first to speak.

"Beckett, I know you can hear me. And ah... Jenny still needs a bridesmaid at the wedding, you know and err.. Esposito here... still needs someone to keep him in line. So take my advice and err.. well..wake up will ya? I can't keep him in line forever. Err..Love you, Boss. I'll see you later, okay?" The Irishman stepped back, meekly smiled and raised a hand of farewell to the others as he made his leave.

"That was cold bro!", scoffed Esposito to his partners retreating form. To Kate he softly voiced. "Girl, we are gonna get these sons of bitches who did this to you. Together, you hear? Get well soon, Boss." He stepped aside so Lanie could say her piece.

"Girl, you gave us one hell of a scare back there. And your boy here.." she paused and smirked at Rick. "Well, let's just say you and I are in for some serious girl talk once you wake up. Oohoo, girlfriend, you wouldn't believe the things he was saying while you were out cold." Lanie kissed her friend on the forehead and whispered in Kate's ear. "This writer-monkey of yours is a keeper, Kate. Wake up soon, okay? I'm so glad you're here with us." And with that she squeezed Kate's hand and arm in arm, Lanie and Esposito walked out the door, receiving promises to be updated if she woke up.

Rick and Jim glanced back and forth, between each other and Kate. Neither knowing who should go first, neither wanting to have an audience. Rick spoke up first. "Sir, I'll just go wait outside. You and Kate, you need some time together. In fact, I could use a few minutes talking to my own daughter. Hell of a day, huh?" Jim smiled his gratitude. Richard took Kate's small hand in his own and gently kissed her palm. "I'm here Kate," he whispered. "Always." And with that he tread out the door, the latch closing with a small snick.

For the second time that day, Richard Castle broke down. Collapsing into a crouch outside her door he cried. Tears of unrepentant joy, overwhelming sadness, white hot anger and the cold bite of fear. For now the worst was over. Kate was alive. A long road was ahead of her but he had much faith in her ability to overcome any physical burden. That woman had the will of a god and the strength of an ox. He feared for her emotionally though. How much was one woman supposed to take? The sniper was still out there. The man or men who ordered the hit. The questions over Montgomery were sure to come. And then there was them. _Us,_ he thought _Does she know what she means to me? Did she hear me in the cemetery? Oh God, what if she did? What if she doesn't remember? What if she does? _It was supposed to be easy. An arrangement of saffron daffodils placed surreptitiously on her desk at work. A brush of her fingers while handing over vanilla-laced coffee. An evening of dinner and dancing followed by one too many glasses of a fine Bordeaux. A tentative first kiss morphing into hurried lovemaking. _Lord, help me. _He raked his fingers through his hair and wiped the tears from his eyes. _Get a grip, Castle!_

As if his prayers had been answered his phone began to trill it's merry song. '_Dad, Dad, Dad. Dad, Dad, Dad. Dad, Dad, Dad!' _

_Alexis. Thank you, Universe._

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><p>Urgh, this one clunked out. Not entirely happy with how it went. I live for reviews. Don't spare my feelings. All criticism, constructive or otherwise is greatly appreciated.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry 'bout that. Two sick kiddos. This may be a short one.

Chapter 5.

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><p>Rick smiled softly at the image adorning his cell phone's screen. A candid picture of himself and his baby girl at a carnival, around the age of six. He briefly closed his eyes and could still faintly detect the aroma of popcorn, cotton candy and axle grease tickling his senses. He took a breath and steeled his nerve. It wouldn't do for his daughter to know he'd been crying. "Hey, pumpkin." he exhaled. He hoped she couldn't hear the lingering melancholy in his voice.<p>

"Dad, what's the matter? Oh God! Is it Detective Beckett? Is Kate okay?"

_So much for that idea. The girl's more intuitive than Sylvia Browne._ "Sweetie, everything's okay. Kate is doing as well as can be expected. No news is good news and all of that. It's...it's just been a rough day, you know? I'm so glad you called. Listen Alexis, I think I'm going to be here for a while, do you think you'll be able to take care of Gram for me for a while? I just..Well, I want.."

"You want to be there when she wakes up?" Alexis answered with a knowing cadence to her voice. "Don't worry about a thing, old man. We've got it covered here. We'll come by with some of your things."

Rick smiled into the phone. "What would I do without you pumpkin?"

"Oh, you know. Live a life of loneliness and hopelessness, wandering the cold, hard streets of New York City with neither a plan nor scruple to be found in sight." Rick could imagine the angelic smirk she was wearing on the other end of the phone. "Hey, Dad? I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Alexis." He chewed on that statement for a moment. Nothing in recent memory came to mind that would reveal why his daughter would be proud of him. "Wait. You are? Why?"

"You finally told Kate what we've _all_ known since, you know, you _met_ her. Now do me a favor. Tell her again when she wakes up. And then tell her again until she says it back. Love you, Daddy" Alexis cooed with an air of cocky hubris. And with that the line clicked off into silence. Rick raised an eyebrow and started at the gadget. _Why that little... wonderful, know it all. _He once again thanked the universe for blessing him with such perfect offspring and opened the door to his partner's room.

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><p>And that's all she wrote. For now. More than 2 hours of sleep and a pillow calls my name.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

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><p>As Richard entered the room, Jim looked up from his bedside vigil with red-rimmed eyes and a tired smile. He looked like he had aged ten years in the twenty minutes Richard had been gone. Ruddy blotches of red marked his cheeks and the way he was working his jaw made the lines of time appear deeper. A five o'clock shadow graced his jawline, adding to the overall appearance of despair.<p>

"No offense but you look like hell, Sir." Richard uttered quietly. "Can I get you anything?"

"Pot, meet Kettle." the weary man remarked. "I'm fine Rick, I think I'll just go and grab a coffee so you can have a minute with her. I'll see you soon." And with that, Richard was alone with just his thoughts and the steady beep of the heart monitor.

The first blue and copper rays of dawn's light shone through the gaps between gleaming skyscrapers and vertical blinds. The blinds swayed to and fro softly, a light breeze was blowing from the air conditioning vent. Rick wrapped his arms around himself and tried to rub away the goosebumps the chill in the air has raised. He wondered why they always kept hospitals so cold, surely warmth was more conducive to healing. Fingers of amber light danced at Kate's bedside casting a serene, almost angelic glow around her face. Richard sat down in the chair beside her bed and clasped her hand in his. Her hand felt unduly cool but the touch was reassuring. He lazily stroked her pulse point with his thumb, counted the beats in his head and assured himself that the machine making all the noise was indeed doing it's job. "I miss you already." he breathed. "Come back to me, Kate." She looked peaceful, as though merely taking a nap on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Her facial muscles were relaxed and loose, the worry lines that had recently become a permanent fixture of her lovely face were smoothed and blotted out. He wished she would let him in. Let him be her source of comfort. "One willing to stand with you." she had said. He leaned forward in his chair and began to hum.

"_Cherish is the word I use to describe, all the feeling that I have running here for you inside..."_

Jim Beckett stood at the threshold of his daughters room. What he witnessed sent a pang to his chest and warmed his weary heart. This was obviously a man deeply in love with his daughter. His voice was low and gravelly, it was like the writer was trying to sing his daughter back to consciousness the way a prince might wake his sleeping beauty with a kiss. He thought about Johanna. He thought that nobody ever knew how he had loved his wife. The depths of his devotion. He thought that maybe he was wrong.

"_You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you. You don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you." _The lyrics and smooth baritone filled the air with longing and love.

The writer paused and let out a deep breath. "I love you Kate."

"_You don't know how many times I wished that I could mold you into someone who could cherish me as much as I, cherish you." _Richard laid his head on the bed next to their entwined hands and closed his eyes. "Please, Kate..." he whispered. Jim wiped a tear from his eye, took a long sip of his coffee and turned away. Now was not the time for an audience. A soft snore reached his ears as he trod back to the waiting room. He smiled softly. The adrenaline had faded and exhaustion was creeping up on him as well. He sent up a prayer as he relaxed into a comfortable armchair.

_Please watch over my girl. Let them come out of this whole. Ease their burdens and show them mercy. Help us all through this._

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><p>You lucky followers, two updates in one day.<p>

Or unlucky, as the case may be. I hope you guys are still hanging in there and enjoying this little story. I'm still enjoying writing it; so that's a good thing. Not that it hasn't had it's frustrating moments. But I'm semi-sure of where I'm going and when it will end. I see light at the end of the tunnel. As always reviews make my day. It motivates me to write more. ;) Hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Oh and apparently this has become a song-fic. LOL, sorry 'bout that.


	7. Chapter 7

Wow, okay. 8,000 words later and I haven't even woken her up yet. Long winded much? Haha. I'm getting to it. Still don't own them. Wish I did.

Chapter 7.

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><p><em>The limo ride is made in strained silence. Nobody knows quite what to say. What can be said, after all? A quiet sniffle, the soft sound of a tissue being pulled from it's carton. A sigh. Row upon row of grave markers stretch endlessly into the horizon, miniature flags wave merrily in the breeze. He stoically takes his place amongst the pall-bearers. A lump forms in his throat as they descend past the Honor Guard. He swallows heavily and focuses on each painful step. Hand upon hand stiffly salute their passage. He bows his head and makes way to his place in the crowd. Such grief. Confusion. Disbelief. Esposito nudges his shoulder. "Rick, it's time."<em> – What? This isn't how it goes. Panic coils in his stomach. Something isn't right. – "_Castle, you have to do this for her. She would have wanted you to say something. You were her best friend, her partner. It's time, bro." _For her? Who? For Kate? _He spins around and finds himself back in the hangar. He clocks a limp form sprawled out beside the aircraft. Running. Desperation. Realization. – _I'm too late! Kate! – _Blood slowly trickles towards a drainage grate in the cold, concrete floor. So much blood. Her lips are moving but he hears no words. Her dull, hazel eyes speak volumes though. – _It's your fault. You're too late. – _He falls to his knees as a black, gaping hole cracks open around the grate. He watches her body slide slowly __into it's depths and hopes that he too, will follow shortly..._

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><p>Richard woke with a start. His anguished eyes darted around the room, slowly focused as realization and clarity returned to him. He exhaled heavily and raked his hands down his now whiskered jaw, wiped the sweat that has formed on his brow and upper lip. <em>Just a dream. <em>He glanced at the clock. The long blank hands revealed he had only been out for twenty minutes. Still, he examined her rigorously. Her breath was coming in long, even puffs. Warm and reassuring. A serene smile graced her lips and her eyes briskly danced below her lids. He was pleased that she appeared to be having a more pleasant experience than he'd just had. _Sweet dreams, Love. _He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and inhaled her scent. There was still the faint aroma of cherries and vanilla nestled amongst the more disturbing scent of iodine and rubbing alcohol. He reclined back in his armchair and smiled at where their hands met. She would likely smack him if she were awake. He'd give his life for her to have that ability he thought. He punched out a quick text. _No change. Not to worry, doctor says she is doing well. Update when I know more. Love you. _He added all the important people to the message and clicked send. His mind wandered to all the places it usually went when it was free to do so. Decoy kisses in a dirty alley. Rare, reassuring moments of levity during painful cases. Laughter over late-night Kung Pao. He drafted the latest chapter of _Nikki _in his head and counted the light freckles on the apples of her cheeks. He wondered why she wore make-up. She was gorgeous without. The ever-present beep of the monitors and the bland, institutional wall clock metered out the passage of time. Minutes blended into hours. He was snapped out of his daydreaming with a twitch of her hand. He wondered if maybe he had imagined it. His mind had been occupied by thoughts of sitting quietly on a bench after the '3XK' killer had escaped. Her hand on his knee and her quiet solidarity had comforted him more than any words could have. But no, there it was again! A slight tightening around his fingers. His heart leaped into his throat and he leaned forward expectantly.

"Kate, can you hear me?" _Squeeze. _

"I'm here, Partner." _Parted lips._

"Come on baby, you can do it." _Gradual, torpid blinks._

"Ca-castle..wha...where..?" Her voice was barely a whisper. His heart surged and he placed a fervent kiss noisily upon her hand.

"Oh, Kate. Thank God! You were shot. You're in the hospital. Do you remember anything?" She slightly shook her head to and fro. The words tumbled out of him. He felt joyful. The last time he could remember such a feeling was the day Alexis had been born. Tears sprung to his eyes. This time, tears of elation and relief. It was almost physical, the weight lifting off his shoulders. This first conformation that his partner was indeed going to be okay. Despite the doctor's reassurances and the words of comfort from his friends and family, a small part of his mind had still been immobilized back at the cemetery, when he thought she had died in his arms. He smiled down at her and rasped, "Welcome back, Love."

One perfectly groomed eyebrow rose just a fraction. "Love...Castle..?" And with that, she closed her eyes and once again surrendered to slumber.

He felt momentarily queasy and inwardly grimaced. _She probably doesn't recall, _he thought. _Not the best of times to mention that powerful, little 'L' word,_ he mused. "I really do have monumentally lousy timing." he laughed to her sleeping form. He quickly rose and pressed the call button beside her bed. A nurse rushed in and he excitedly told her that Kate had roused, albeit briefly. A flurry of activity ensued. Another nurse who he hadn't seen before and a young doctor came into her room. A blood pressure cuff was secured around her arm, a stethoscope placed on her chest. Vitals were taken and bed linens were adjusted. The lights were raised and a large, plastic tumbler with a thick, flexible straw was placed upon the rolling tray by her bed. Rick smiled broadly. Katherine Beckett was alive and all was right with the world. He hurriedly waved to the doctor and nurses, explained he was going to get Kate's father and rushed out of the door towards the waiting room.

Richard skidded to a stop by her father's chair. The man was collapsed in an awkward, sagging pose. His mouth agape, loud snores filled the room. By this time, _noon,_ Rick thought as he looked out the window, the waiting room was alive with visitors and well-wishers. An old woman across from Jim with a stack of knitting on her lap grinned at him. "He's been like that for a few hours," she clucked. Rick chuckled and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Jim startled awake, a fearful expression on his face. He leaped to his feet in apprehension. Rather than explain, Richard embraced the man in a capacious squeeze. He simply stated. "She woke up." He patted the older man, who by then was sobbing his own tears of joy, on the back. "Come on, I'll take you to her."

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><p>Review, my lovelies! Daily stroking gives my muse, okay my ego, what it needs to continue.<p>

I think it's time Kate had a say so I think I'll be switching over to her point of view for the next few chapters. I hope to do her justice. Thanks to all of you who continue along with me on this journey. From writing nary a shopping list in 10 years to embarking on _this _has been interesting to say the least. Your story alerts, favorites and especially your kind reviews have made the painful hours staring at a blank page more than worthwhile.

And so, before the writers notes become longer than the chapter itself I would just like to reiterate. Mahalo!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8. Still not owning them and.. shockingly.. still not in a torrid love affair with Nathan. What? It could happen! And he's on my list. So I'm sure the husband wouldn't mind. ;)

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><p>A dull hum, whispers and electronic beeps, a sigh and the chime of a telephone. Footsteps echoed down a hallway. She took a deep breath and was assaulted with the stench of harsh chemical cleaning products and spiced men's cologne. Confusion and pain assaulted her senses as she struggled to open her eyes. Her eyelids felt heavy, as though weighted down by tiny, lead sinkers. Blinking languidly her world slowly came in to view. Late afternoon sunlight filtered through the windows, casting muted silver shadows about the room. On her left her father sat, a look of worry and sheer adoration on his face. "Welcome back, Sunshine" he spoke. "How are you feeling?"<p>

"Dad?" she replied, her throat was dry and irritated. She croaked. "What...What happened?"

"You were shot baby, do you remember anything?" he soothed, pressing the straw of a cup to her lips. "Drink, sweetheart."

The cool water rushed down her throat, soothing the burn and washing away the metallic taste in her mouth. She looked around the room and spied Castle sleeping in a uncomfortable looking, plastic and metal chair by the window. A warm, not altogether unpleasant or for that matter, unfamiliar, tension fluttered about and then settled in her stomach. "How long has he been here?" she whispered, glancing towards her father and back to the slumbering author. "He never left, honey. You've been in and out for the better part of two days." She wondered for a moment where her boyfriend, Josh, was. The thought was fleeting though and she smiled towards her partner. _Always, _the thought came unbidden in to her mind and something urgent pressed at her subconsciousness. A flood of hazy memories came to her at that moment. A fight in her apartment. Him pleading with her to stop. Her telling him to get out. _Castle, we are over._ She winced at the way the conversation had ended. An airport hangar. His whispered pleas of, _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."_, filled with such grief and guilt. The way he had held her up against the car when she couldn't bear the weight of her sorrow, the gentle way he had pulled her into an embrace after he had found her slumped on all fours over her captain's lifeless body. She had tried to express to him that there was no hard feelings, that they were on the same page, when she had looked to him at Montgomery's, her friend, betrayer, mentor's funeral. _Someone willing to stand with you._ She had looked to him and tried to tell him with her eyes what she could not with her words. She thought she had glimpsed a moment of recognition in his eyes before all hell had broken loose in her world. She heard him call her name, the urgency of it striking fear inside her heart. Too late. She hit the ground hard. He had crashed into her like a freight train traveling at top speed. White hot pain had torn through her body, breathing burned deep into her core. He had pleaded with her not to leave. _Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate.._ A feeling of peace had washed over her, she tried to smile and had welcomed the quiet, dark solitude of unconsciousness. _If only, _she thought sadly and turned back to her father.

"He told me he loved me, Dad." she whispered, doubt and wonder ringing through. "I can't deal with that right now. I have a boyfriend. I have a job to do. I can't keep _myself_ safe.." she gestured to the wires and leads coming out of her arm, "..let alone worry about him and his family."

"He does love you, Katie-bug." he replied with a certainty and strength she rarely heard from her father since her mother had died. "I visited him, last week, before you were hurt..." he shot an apologetic look and dismissively waved his hand at her arched eyebrow. "Now, don't get all defensive on me; I was worried about you. I asked him to talk to you, try and make you stop digging into your Mom's case. I thought maybe you would listen to him. God knows, I could never make you stop. The way you talk about him though, I know you feel something for him. You might not be ready to admit it but I _know_ you Katie. I saw the fear in his eyes that night and I've witnessed the pain he has been in these last few days. He _loves_ _you_, baby girl, and that strange little family of his does too. They've almost set up shop in the waiting room. So, here's my advice. Stop fighting it. Life can be over in a moment, a single breath and the love that man feels for you isn't found every day." With a nod and a kiss to her forehead, he rose and left the room.

She sighed and awkwardly rolled towards Castle. A sharp pain shot through her body, a jolt of electricity and fire. She bit her lip to stop from crying out and studied her sleeping partner's form. His long legs sprawled out in front of him. His broad shoulders sagged and his head nodded to one side in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. Even in sleep, worry lined his face and the beginnings of a beard darkened his jaw. He looked...defeated. Certainly it wasn't a pose that came to mind when she thought of Richard Castle. He was cocky, arrogant, he stood tall and carried with him an air of confidence. She yearned to reach out to him. To tell him that she was fine, not to worry. Go home and get some rest. Fear and uncertainty stopped her from calling out his name. How could she tell him that she loved him too? Oh, she knew she loved him. Was _in love_ with him. She had known that for the better part of a year. When he had returned from the Hampton's she had expected to be angry with him, livid even. She had been willing to go with him and instead he had left with his ex-wife. Of course, he didn't know that, and so all she felt at his return was relief. She had put on a show for the boys, metered out enough punishment to get her point across. All had returned to normal after those first few days of awkwardness. And then there was Josh. Josh was a nice distraction to be sure, he was kind and lighthearted. Knew how to take her out for a good time, certainly knew all the right moves in the bedroom. She smiled to herself. But Richard Castle... He had whittled at her defenses with each crude, yet endearing whisper of sexual innuendo. Dug deep into her soul, with his caring and thought during tough cases and pulled her out of her shell every time he spoke with such love and understanding about his teenaged daughter. He had been right. Back at her apartment. When he had accused her of hiding and being afraid. She was so_ very_ afraid. Losing her mother had almost been too painful to bear. She didn't know if she could take another loss like that. She thought that if she fell down that rabbit hole again, she just might not make it back out. Her father's words coiled and twisted in her mind._ I know you feel it. Stop fighting it._ Royce's letter echoed in her head. _It clear you and Castle have something real. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder...if only._ She gritted her teeth and made a decision.

"Castle..?" In an instant, he was at his feet and at her side.

"Kate, what is it? Do you need anything?" She smiled at his ability to go from seemingly out cold to alert and at her beck and call in a heartbeat.

"Could you do me a favor and go find Josh?" His face fell and his eyes clouded over, he clamped his mouth shut and she could see him working his jaw.

"Uh, yeah. Of course!" he recovered and plastered a smile on his face. "I know he's been waiting to see you, I'll just..um..yeah!" and with that he almost ran out the door.

Realization dawned on her in an instant and she called out after him. "Castle, wait!" He was already down the hallway though and her voice was quiet and weak from days of disuse. He didn't reply or return and she mentally slapped herself._ Sheesh, Kate. The poor man keeps a bedside vigil and the first thing you do is ask him to go get your boyfriend. _She sighed in mirthless amusement. "I really do have shockingly bad timing." she mused to the now empty room.

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><p>Thoughts? Hopefully I did Kate justice.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Whoa! What do we have here? Another update is what! Chapter 9 for your perusal.

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><p>Panic and grief gripped at the depths of Rick's heart. She had asked for Josh. He had imagined tender kisses and heartfelt pleas to never, <em>ever<em>, leave each other again when she had finally, properly, woken up. After being given an, albeit grudging, blessing of approval by Josh days earlier, Richard had thought their road would be an easier one to tread going forth. Thoughts of bringing her home with him and nursing her back to health had been dancing in his head for two days. He imagined her propped up on his couch, surrounded by mountains of fluffy down comforters and bunches of fresh cut flowers. He'd thought about buying her a little bell. So she could summon him with a tinkle and he could grant her every wish she so desired. She would abuse her bell-ringing privileges and he would gratefully indulge her. He and Alexis would bake her chocolate chip cookies and simmer fresh, chicken-noodle soup on the stove. They would fatten her up with home cooking and a side of love. She had gotten so thin lately. He envisioned his mother, singing her show-tunes and Kate's merry laughter filling up his home.

_Now what?_

With a heavy heart, Rick made the trip back to cardiology and prepared to tell the 'good news' to Josh.

As luck, or misfortune, would have it, he didn't have to search very far. The good doctor was waiting on the other side of the elevator doors when they parted.

Rick startled for a moment but quickly regained his balance. "Josh, just the man I was looking for. Kate's asking for you."

"Oh. Um, okay. Is she alright. I mean, I've been checking on her progress through her doctor and all but I thought..well, after our conversation. You know? I.. didn't think I'd be welcome."

"What can I say?" he sighed. "She's asking for you. I'm summoning you. I.. I think I'm gonna go home. Take a shower, touch base with my daughter. Will you tell Kate I'll be back in the morning? I.. I can't leave her but I think I need some time to think."

And with that, Richard Castle stepped back into the elevator and intrepidly made his first journey back into the outside world.

As he stepped outside Richard felt fractured, torn. He _wanted_ Kate to be happy. He'd _hoped_ he would be the one to make her so. His apartment wasn't too far away, ten blocks or so, he guessed. Rick considered hailing a cab but decided instead to walk. The fresh air might do him good, he thought. Time seemed to drift by in slow motion. The momentum of the crowd on the sidewalk carried him forward. Gusts of wind carried pages of a discarded newspaper, to and fro across the busy street. Horns blared and peddlers hawked their wares to passers by. Rick noted that the world indeed had not stopped with the shooting of one of New York's finest. _Ingrates. _The aroma of a nearby hot-dog vendor assaulted his nostrils and sent a pang of hunger his growling stomach. _When was the last time I ate? _He distractedly handed the vendor a twenty and left before receiving his change. He vaguely heard the man calling out after him but didn't stop to turn around. He took one leery bite of the greasy, slightly shriveled cylinder and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. _Not that hungry. _A young, professional looking woman shot him a curious look as he passed by. A well dressed, old woman with a large string of pearls and a small, regal looking poodle huffed haughtily at him as she quickly dodged his path. _I must look like hell. _He was used to getting appreciative looks of desire or exclamations of recognition when he walked down the street. Although sometimes his fame irritated him, usually it stroked his ego and put a spring into his step. Today he enjoyed the quiet solitude of anonymity. _There are some bonuses to a lack of hygiene. _He caught a whiff of himself. _Not worth it._

He arrived shortly at the entrance to his building and nodded to the doorman. The elevator ride up was quick and he was grateful to register the apartment as empty when he entered. He loved his family, to be sure, but what he wanted right now was a long, hot shower and an even longer nap in his warm, comfortable bed. He needed time to think, to put back together the shattered pieces of his crumbling heart and to plaster on his 'happy face'. Kate may not be in love with him, _Yet_ his mind supplied furtively, but he was her best friend, her partner and he was still going to do everything he could to help her get well. _First, a shower._ He grimaced as he peeled off his damp, malodorous shirt. _Lots of soap._ He glanced at the mirror as he turned on the faucets and made a droll face. _Definitely a shave._ He turned the heat up high and scrubbed roughly at his skin. He lathered up his face and carefully pulled the blade across his bristly jaw and neck. _She smiled, when I told her. Small but it was there. I know it was. _Three days worth of grime, worry and fear melted down the drain as he carefully constructed his own walls of denial and repression. _Oh no, Katherine Beckett, you don't own the market on denial. You may be the Queen, my love, but Richard is the king of this Castle. _He shut off the water, feeling refreshed and at ease for the first time in days. He smiled at his reconditioned reflection in the mirror as he pulled on some soft, well worn sweat pants and climbed into his bed. _If 'status quo' is where we are standing, that is the game I will play. _And with that thought, Richard let his mind wander to where it usually went before nodding off to dreamland. A darkened alley, with one Detective Katherine Beckett in his arms. A second chance for one, simple, kiss. The circumstances of that awful night conveniently lifted. He would wait for her as long as she needed. She would eventually take the risk. He was sure. He let himself drift off into the memories. Her small, sultry moan was indelibly imprinted in his mind. Decoy kiss or not, he knew that diminutive cry was genuine. Butterflies fluttered happily in his gut as his mind continued their kiss uninterrupted by surly bodyguards or perilous circumstances.

_Game on, Detective Beckett. _

Repose came quickly and undisturbed.

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><p>The last two chapters came rushing out of me. Please let me know if there are any glaring mistakes or leaps out of character. As always, thanks for the kind reviews and words of encouragement. Means the world.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Good Lord, I'm spoiling you guys. Three, count them three!, updates in one day. And no, in the last 3 hours I haven't miraculously been handed over ownership rights. Chapter 10 for your pleasure.

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><p>Kate lay quietly in her surprisingly comfortable hospital bed. <em>Must be the drugs,<em> she mused. She smiled gratefully at the clear plastic bag of gloriously soothing opiates, dripping slowly into her veins through the small tube connected to the small veins in her hand. A nurse had stopped by briefly after Richard had left and noticed her pained expression and posture. After getting permission from her doctor, the nurse had efficiently setup the latest addition to her IV pole and the constant, aching burn in her torso had slowly, blissfully, melted away. She silently berated herself for the way her conversation with Rick had gone. _That charming, irritating, delightful, ignorant fool!_ For someone who very nearly oozed confidence in his day to day life, Richard Castle was a veritable wuss when it came to her it seemed. She reflected back on their conversation in her apartment. She had as good as dared him to make a declaration that night. _What about you, Rick?_ _Is that what we are?_ She inwardly groaned. Her tone had been confrontational, guarded. She knew the minute he appeared at her doorstep that he was here to beg her to stop digging into her mothers case. Before he had even opened his mouth she had steeled herself for a fight. Perhaps she had been a bit harsh. _Bitchy, _her traitorous mind supplied. Still, Richard for all his talk of _magic_, _always_, _keep showing up_, wasn't one to make the first move. The both played a delicate game, a finespun dance, with neither one willing to make the first move. Witty banter, harmless flirtation. That was their game. She gazed out the window, towards the first twinkling stars appearing in the early evening sky. She wondered where he was, whether he too was looking to the heavens. The thought that they were both doing the same thing in different parts of the city briefly comforted her. A moment later she reconsidered. She hoped not. She hoped he was warm and comfortable in his bed. He had looked awful when he had left. Drained and despondent. He was still handsome as ever, to be sure, the stubble perhaps added a certain scruffy sexiness to his appearance but the spark that was Rick Castle was markedly missing. Her thoughts wandered to a dark alley in the warehouse district. He had roughly pulled her hand from the gun, cupped her face with such tender command and poured into that first kiss all the love and devotion that neither dared speak of. She had been too stunned to respond at first, her thoughts clouded by the pressing danger at hand and the shock of electricity that has coursed to her very center of being. In her peripheral vision she had seen the bodyguard approaching from her left and thrown caution to the wind. She had returned his kiss, intending to continue the decoy. _Decoy, my ass. _Somewhere along the way though, it had become all too real. She momentarily lost sight of where they were, why they were there and threw herself equally into the embrace. He'd run his fingers through her hair and a shiver had traveled down her spine. A breathy moan escaped her swollen lips and she'd thought just maybe she'd like to spend forever joined to Richard Castle's skilled mouth. If not for the goon's well timed chuckle she thought she might have lost herself inside that one, perfect moment. She'd spent many a night, and guilty morning waking up next to Josh since, doing just that. She felt herself blushing at the memory when a knock sounded at her door.

"Josh.." She bit her lip and tried to will away the guilty smile she knew was written all over her face.

"Hey Katie. How are you doing?" He stood by the side of her bed but made no move to sit down.

Kate took a deep breath, she was resolved not to continue the charade. "Josh, I'm doing okay, I'm fine. Sit down. We need to talk."

"Look, Kate," he interrupted. "I ran into one very disheveled looking author in the hallway earlier this afternoon. I don't know what happened down here but I can imagine he's somehow gotten the wrong idea. Kate, you and I both know our relationship has been fading over the last couple of months. And I think we both know why." He paused and shot her an understanding smile. She opened her mouth to protest but he stopped her with a shake of his head. "No, let me just say this..please. Kate, you are a wonderful woman, any man would be lucky to love you. I will always be grateful and have fond memories of our time together. But neither one of us is willing to lesson our commitments to work and while it seems painfully obvious to everyone else, _you_ seem to still be denying the truth. The truth is, you're in love with Castle and, may I add, he is in love with you. Painfully. Desperately. Kate, he's an honorable man. He came to me the day you were injured. Put on a brave face and found me. For you. Give him a chance, okay? The man would move mountains if he thought it would save you."

Kate's mouth hung open in disbelief. This didn't go exactly as planned. She'd been mentally preparing herself to let Josh down gently. Offer him excuses of work and schedules. Instead he was the one breaking up with her. Not only that, he was telling her exactly who she _should_ be dating and why. She shook her head and smiled apologetically at him. "I feel like the worst person in the world right now."

"I only want you to be happy." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Live well, Kate. Laugh more. Love ardently." He squeezed her hand and quietly retreated from the room. Unbidden tears welled in her eyes and she gently brushed them away. What had she done to deserve such a kind man? Was she crazy to feel only relief that he was no longer a part of her life? _No,_ she thought, _just in love with one certain, cocky, writer-monkey._

Jim Beckett walked into the room and moved to his chair at the side of her bed. He took a hold of her hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "How's my girl? I saw a certain leather-clad doctor leaving just now."

"I'm good Dad, and you don't have to worry about any leather-clad doctors anymore. From now on I'm a one-writer girl." She smiled to herself at the private joke.

"I'm glad honey. Speaking of writers, where is he? I was thinking by now maybe I'd have to forcibly remove him and make him go eat and bathe." He wrinkled his nose.

Kate threw her father a guilty look. "I _may_ have inadvertently given Castle the impression I was still wanting to be with Josh. But in my defense, I was highly anesthetized and had just woken up from surgery and major trauma."

"Oh, Lord." Jim laughed. "Nothing is ever easy with you two is it?"

"No...it's not." She looked to her Dad with sad, pleading eyes. "Do you think he'll forgive me? You think he'll come back?"

Jim laughed again. "Hey!" Kate scolded. "This is not comic material, Dad."

"No sweetie, it's not. But hear me when I say this. Nothing, I mean but_ nothing_, is going to keep that man away from you. He worships you, his whole family adores you. He'll be back in no time. Hopefully showered and shaved. I gotta say, he was a little ripe last time I laid eyes on him. Now, be a good girl and close your eyes. You need to rest. You've got a lot of healing to do and needless worry over your partners feelings for you will do no good. I'll come check on you later okay?"

"Thanks Dad," she smiled, "but do you think.."

"Sleep!" he hushed and Kate was once again left in solitude. She stared up at the ceiling and once again her thoughts went to her partner. _Always._ His silky voice echoed in her mind. _Always._ His smooth baritone repeated the word on an infinite loop. He'd been trying to tell her for months. He _had_ told her in the cemetery. Although she was quite sure that was panic talking and not courage. She made up her mind and smiled. Someday, _someday soon, _she would be the one to break the stalemate. She closed her eyes and let sleep overcome her.

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><p>And now I will collapse into my bed. Well deserved if I do say so myself. It's 4am. Oish!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 comes and I'm sick of writing disclaimers up here. Without further ado.

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><p>Richard woke to the intoxicating aroma of bacon, maple syrup and fresh brewed coffee. <em>Alexis. Bless her. <em>He wearily shuffled through the loft towards the glorious smell, stretching out the kinks and yawning along the way. He was greeted in the kitchen by an impressive sight. Stacks of fluffy pancakes, mounds of crisp bacon, breakfast links, bowls of fresh fruit, a pitcher a orange juice.

"Are we expecting company?" he asked his daughter with a grin, gesturing to the buffet laid before him on the kitchen counter. _She's up to something, _he mused. "What's all this about?"

"Dad, you're awake!" Alexis merrily floated over to him and slipped a mug of fresh coffee into his eager hands. "No, no company at all. Can't a daughter cook breakfast for her Dad without there being a reason?"

_A reason? Oh yes, definitely up to something._ "Of course _a_ daughter can. _My_ daughter? A feast like this usually signals treachery or subterfuge. Which again, begs my question. Why the lavish spread?" He picked up a piece of bacon and popped it in his mouth. "Mmmn, delicious pork goodness. Thanks Pumpkin. So are you going to spill what this is all about or will I have to tickle it out of you?" He wiggled his fingers in the air and lurched towards her.

Alexis squealed and jumped backwards out of the way. "So, Gran and I _may _have stopped by Kate's room last night after you made your slippery escape. Thanks for calling by the way." She fixed him with a mock glare, picked up her bedazzled cell phone and waved it at him. Rick looked at her abashedly. "Hmm, no missed calls. Anyway, we _may _have heard word that a certain doctor was no longer in Kate's life. And it's _possible_ a certain diva _may _have had a little heart-to-heart with one _very_ drugged up detective. Said certain detective_ also_ may have mentioned a little mix-up between you and her. Something about you running out with your feathers ruffled. And then..." His flame-haired offspring made a dramatic pause his mother would be proud of and continued. "It would seem, and I quote here Dad, Detective Beckett thinks you have incredibly sexy feathers." His daughter made a gagging imitation, snorted and went on. "So Gram and I thought that maybe you'd need a little TLC before you went down there and began the serious business of wooing her." He watched as her eyes clouded over and grew serious. "Also, I was kind of a little worried about you. And Kate.. I may have been a little distracted and gone overboard," she sniffled.

Richard enveloped his daughter in a crushing bear hug. "Pumpkin, the truth is I'm very worried. Kate _is_ going to get better but it's going to take a long time. What happened at the funeral, I can't go into the details but it involves Kate's mother's murder. I think you've already figured that out. Kate is a target and until we figure out what's going on I think it would be safer if we all go to the Hamptons once she is able. And you're right. What happened to Kate affected me greatly. I thought I'd lost her and when she came back, well that took a little time to process. I'm sorry about running out on you and Gram without an explanation last night. It won't happen again. As for the enlightening information you just divulged," he grinned down at her, "_you_ just made me the happiest man in New York City, nay, the world!" He ruffled her hair and nudged her on the shoulder as his daughter stepped back and weakly smiled. "She thinks I'm sexy?" Rick raised an eyebrow and held out his fist for a bump. Alexis rolled her eyes and laughed earnestly as she ambled towards her bedroom. "Daaad, go get dressed will you? We told Kate we'd come by today and it's almost noon. I made her cookies." She turned and fixated a penetrating glare at him and then shifted it to a plate of cookies on the counter. ".Eat." And with that his girl bounded up the stairs.

_Noon? I hadn't meant to be away that long. _Rick stared longingly at the fresh baked cookies, decided his life wasn't worth it and snagged another piece of bacon. He sauntered back to his room with a spring in his step. _Detective Beckett, you have no idea what's about to hit you. _He went into the bathroom and carefully shaved his face and splashed on some cologne he knew she liked. He browsed his closet for the perfect outfit, finally settling on a black, two-button Armani suit that Kate had openly admired him in before and paired it with a deep eggplant colored shirt. He checked himself in the mirror, decided against a tie and ambled towards the front door.

"Ladies!" he called out. "Will you be joining me this fine day? Let's get this show on the road! Times-a-wasting!"

"Oh, where's the fire darling?"his mother drawled out as she sauntered down the stairs. "Got a hot date?" She winked, patted him on the rear and strolled by him and out the door. Alexis grabbed the cookies and let him by the hand out the door and down to the street.

On the short cab ride to the hospital Rick made a phone call to his personal florist.

"Margaret my dear, Rick Castle."

"And what can I do for you today, Mr Castle? It's been a long time since I've heard you're charming voice," she remarked with a smile in her voice. " A posy of _I'm an ass_, Tiger Lily? A bunch of _Please forgive me_, Peonies? No. No wait, I've got it! An arrangement of _No hard feelings_, Azaleas."

"Ha-ha Margie, nice to talk to you again too." he smirked. "No, today is different. Today I need something...special. Care to work your voodoo on me?"

"Of course, Rick. You know the drill. Five words to describe the object of your affections and I will work my magic."

Rick smiled to himself and instantly had his answer. "Margie, lumping this woman into five mere words would be an insult! I will never understand your wicked ways however, so, I will try and do her justice. Okay then... She is _strong_. Life hands her lemons and she doesn't just make lemonade. She makes a pitcher and serves it to the huddled masses. She is_ breathtaking_. As corny as this sounds, I frequently find myself releasing breaths I didn't realize I'd been holding. _Graceful_. She has a beauty to her movement and a style all her own. She is_ sexy_. In an unassuming and coy way, my knees wobble when she graces me with her affections. Kate Beckett is strange and wonderful, she is... e_xtraordinary."_

Margaret let out a long breath. "Richard, I have never heard anything so delightful pass your lips. She..she doesn't know you are in love with her yet does she?"

"Is it that obvious?"

The florist laughed, "Rick, usually you are calling me because you've pissed off your daughter or want to impress some random date. Sincerity, now don't take offense to this because you know I love you, but the only time I've usually heard anything _real_ from you is when Alexis was concerned. Did you go and grow up on me?"

Rick chuckled. "She made me. So do you think you can whip up something special for me?"

"Oh, I have just the thing. Just tell me when and where."

Rick sighed, "She's been injured. She's at Mount Sinai, room 311. Do you think you could go a little overboard? I want to _wow_ her, take her mind off all that's going on for a moment or two."

Margaret smiled warmly, she hoped he could hear her concern over the phone line. "Richard, I will personally make the arrangements. Give me a couple hours and your girl won't know what hit her."

Rick disconnected the call, grinned and sang over to his daughter. "Kate is gonna kill me."

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><p>Margaret smiled as she made the arrangements. Masses of white roses symbolizing sincerity and purity. A sprinkling of orange for desire. A good quantity of forget-me-not to represent true love. And finally gardenias. For both their heavenly scent and their meaning of secret love. She thought to herself that it wouldn't be secret for too much longer. She chuckled and planned the vacation she would take after receiving the payment for Rick and this mysterious Kate, who tamed the novelist's, wedding.<p>

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><p>No clue where Margie came from. But I like her, so she stayed.<p>

Lots of trouble uploading this one for some reason. Let me know if you see any glaring mistakes or omissions. Doc manager took it upon itself to delete half a paragraph and randomly take out words and parts of words. I think I got all the kinks worked out but it's 3am and you never know.

Wowzers! I had story alerts, favs and reviews coming at me in droves this morning. You guys rock my socks. Mahalo!


	12. Chapter 12

I know, I know. Bad Ky. It's been days since I updated. Real life, work and all that annoying stuff got in the way. Also, I'm going on vacation for the next 12 days. I will be bringing the laptop and writing while I'm gone but since I'm going to the middle of nowhere I can't guarantee updates. Internet may be spotty at best. Cross your fingers. But never fear I will finish this story, it just may take longer than I had hoped.

Without further ado. Chapter 12.

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><p>Kate spent the rest of the night and early morning in a restless haze, somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. The drugs, while blessedly relieving almost all of her pain, left her with a clouded mind. She often found herself not knowing when reality turned into dream state, only springing into alertness when it invariably twisted into a painful nightmare, leaving her gasping for breath and fighting tears. It unnerved and irritated her. Kate Beckett wasn't one to cower in fear and so when the doctor had checked on her during early morning rounds she had requested that the dose be lowered. Now she was wondering slightly at the soundness of that judgment.<p>

Lanie and Javier stopped by to visit. They were lavishing her with warm wishes and trying to cajole her out of the impending funk. The distinct 'lack of Castle' was duly noted by Lanie with a nod to his empty chair and a raised eyebrow. Kate gave a sad smile and explained, as best as she knew, the situation. Javier, sensing some serious girl talk about to begin, hastily make his exit with a kiss and a pledge to be biding his time in the waiting room for Lanie.

"Oh God, Lanie. It was awful. He left with the saddest puppy dog face I've ever seen. And let me tell you, he's given me some winners before."

"Girl, I'ma smack you," the haughty M.E. puffed. "I think I might smack him too! What more is it going to take to get you two the 'grand declarations' and the 'happily ever after'?"

Kate sighed. "Ugh, honestly Lanes, I don't know. Our timing is lousy. We've had so many near-misses over the years. I'm beginning to wonder if it's not meant to be."

"I swear to God, Katherine Beckett! If I ever hear those words pass your lips again I really will smack you. You two were made for each other. You're like Yin and Yang. Two imperfect halves to one perfect whole. You're all interconnected and co-dependent, you finish each others sentences for crying out loud. At this point I'd be surprised if you could function without him. And don't even get me started on Nikki Heat." Lanie sighed for dramatic effect. "It's one big, fat, love letter.. to_ you_. The man practically _oozes_ his desire for you. How you have managed to hold out on _that_ for this long, I will _never_ understand." She finished with a firm nod of her head.

Kate raised her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I get it. Not ditching the writer-monkey." She grinned, "I think I might kind of miss him anyway."

"Girl, you just gotta bite the bullet and make a move." Lanie grimaced, "Sorry, poor choice of words. No more bullets. Please."

"It's okay," Kate chuckled lightly, "and you're right. I've rebuffed him so many times that even when I'm not going to shoot him down, he preemptively does it for me. The man takes chivalry to a whole new level. I'm gonna talk to him, okay?"

"Well, I'm hoping for more than talking." Lanie smirked.

"You and me both." Kate blushed in return. "but for now," she stretched and grimaced in pain, "it will have to do." She let out an elongated yawn. "Sorry, I've done nothing but lay in bed for three days. You'd think I'd be able to stay awake for more than an hour at a time."

Lanie smiled and embraced her in an awkward hug. "Ugh, too many wires. Kate, you were shot. It's not like you've just been relaxing on a long, lazy weekend. I gotta say, you look a little peaked. I shouldn't have stayed so long. Take care sweetie, I'm gonna go find that boy of mine before he paces a track in the waiting room carpet." She smiled and with a little wave left the room.

Kate let out a long, deep breath. While her friends visit _had _lifted her spirits, the pain in her abdomen had increased significantly. Each shuddering breath elicited a sharp stab near her ribs and a deep ache in her torso. She briefly considered pushing the nurses button. There was no denying the drugs did wonders for her pain levels and the pull of sleep, however stilted and interrupted, was strong. However, she had made up her mind to have a serious talk with Castle and the last thing she needed was for her head to be foggy. Knowing their luck she'd inadvertently make him think she was having a torrid love affair with her mail carrier. She picked up the phone, pondered dialing him and quickly dismissed the idea. The way things had been left, it probably wasn't a good idea to have this conversation over the phone. _I should have called him last night. Why hasn't he called? Stop over-thinking this, Kate! _Kate looked out her window. She'd been lucky and had a room overlooking the 5th Avenue side of the hospital. From her vantage point she had a nice view of Central Park below. The trees swayed lazily in the breeze, the flowers so carefully planted in the spring were in full bloom and the sun was shining. An amateur baseball game was in full swing on the field below. She focused on the action below and let the pain drift away. _He'll be in soon, _she reassured herself. A man wearing red and white hit the ball deep into left field. _Nice one._ As the man in red rounded the bases another man in blue quickly fielded the shot and threw to the short stop. The batter was held to a single. _Nice save. I wonder if Rick's a Yankee's fan. He better be. _Her eyelids grew heavy and with visions in her head of baseball and lazy days of summers gone by, she nodded off into a peaceful slumber.

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><p>Ugh, this one was a bit of a pain. The 3 day break in writing killed my mojo a bit. Lemme know what ya think.<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Hello readers! See? I didn't go and die on you. But my vacation was fun and relaxing and all kinds of hectic so I didn't get nearly as much writing done as I would have liked. Alaska and the Seattle area however are gorgeous and I advise if you get the chance to visit, run don't walk! Apologies for making you wait so long. Also, any funky breaks or weird looking quote marks, etc, blame my Xoom and Documents-to-go. I think I got them all. Turns out writing on a tablet isn't the best of ways to do it. Even with a Bluetooth keyboard.

Chapter 13

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><p>She looked so small amongst the hospital bed. Curled up into a ball and hidden under stark white sheets. Just the top of her head, a flash of auburn brown with whispers of honey gold peeking above the covers. Rick felt a surge of warmth and protectiveness fill his body at the sight of her. Daring not to wake her during a time she so desperately needed her rest, he shooed his mother and daughter out of the room and quietly took up residence alongside her bed. Her heartbeat was strong and steady, he noted. Oxygenation at an almost constant ninety-eight percent. A marked improvement from just a day earlier when it was not uncommon for bells and buzzers to routinely break the monotony of the steady beeping, warning of a skipped beat or low saturation levels. He smiled over at her and gently placed a kiss on her forehead. He didn't realize how much he had missed just her presence in the room. Some of the fondest memories he had were of them sharing warm, comfortable silences. And so he propped his feet up on the bed, took out his laptop to begin writing and simply breathed in the essence of her.<p>

She smelled him first. The familiar scent of subtle yet spicy aftershave and fresh brewed coffee was etched into her psyche. _How does he always manage to find such delectable coffee_, she wondered. No matter the hour, nor the location he could always be counted upon for a cup of New York's finest Joe. She had been awake for what she assumed was the better part of an hour. She had woken with a gasp and he had and brushed her hair off her face, soothed her with whispers of love and butterfly kisses to her forehead. Not quite ready for confronting the task at hand, Kate had played possum. Content to breathe in his scent and listen to the _tap, tap, tap_ of the keyboard. She had let the rhythmic tapping lull her into a hypnotic daze. She wondered what he was writing. Was it Nikki or some new character? He would often bounce new ideas off her. Some were good, some awful. She'd always give him an honest opinion, even if some of his latest creations had left her seething with jealousy. Buxom blonds with an affinity for strong, intellectual heroes were his most recent dalliances. She had guessed that a lot of his latest additions were intended entirely for that reaction from her. And so she'd made sure to not let on. She had acted appropriately appalled and he had acted appropriately smug. Sometimes he'd just type random words that popped into his head. A hodgepodge of random gibberish that took his fancy. He claimed as long as something was on the page it wasn't really writer's block. She found it an insightful peek into his mind and cherished the scraps of paper she'd sometimes find tossed aside on her desk.

Suddenly, the typing came to a halt. She could feel his gaze on her. A small smile twitched at the corner of her lips.

"I know you're awake." he murmured. "It's Nikki."

"I wasn't asking." she replied coyly.

"You weren't asking very loudly. I'm not getting very far with her though. She keeps sidetracking me with life-threatening injuries and unspoken vows of undying love. There's only so much tragedy one heroine can take before my readers are going to be out looking for my blood." he replied with a smile. "How are you feeling?

"For someone with a GSW to the abdomen, surprisingly good." Kate sighed softly, "Maybe she just doesn't know where to begin?" Kate questioned with a meek smile.

"Oh?" he queried. "You think you could help me out here? Break the block, so to speak?"

"I think Nikkiknows exactly what she feels and for that matter, what she wants. Maybe she's just been hiding for so long she doesn't know _how_ to begin...Maybe she's afraid of rocking the boat. Messing up the very good thing she already has with _Rook._"

"Maybe _Nikki_ doesn't know what she's letting pass her by..."

"Possibly." she smirked.

At that moment a wave of activity entered the room. A young cop in a crisp, navy blue uniform was barking orders at a small woman with bright red hair and a dark gray power suit, who seemed to be paying him no heed. "You can't just go in there. There's protocol to be followed, are you even on the list?" he ordered. "This is much too much, it hasn't been authorized." he growled.

"I assure you, it's the bare minimum." the woman retorted haughtily. "Would you hold this?" She chuffed, shoving a laptop and what looked like a day-planner into the dumbfounded looking officer's hands.

"Rick! Darling!" she beamed at the novelist. "Tell this buffoon that I am here at your begging. I almost had the bribe the nurses station to get up here. Luckily my description of a ruggedly handsome, yet boyishly charming novelist got me this far. You didn't tell me there would be a small army of New York City policemen guarding the floor. I get the feeling when you said that this lady had been injured, it was the understatement of the year. Leave a little something out did we? Any-who, you know that thing we discussed over the phone? Well, I've got two interns with rather heavy loads out in the lobby waiting to ease their burden. You think you could do something about Cujo over here?" She nodded in the direction of the surly cop and then focused her gaze on the stunned looking woman in bed. "Ah, and you must be Kate." she said, eying Kate appreciatively. "_Pleasure_ to meet you." she intoned with a knowing smile.

Kate stared confused at the fiery red-head and raised an eyebrow towards Rick. "Oh, Margie! I'd almost forgotten. Nick," he said, turning towards the cop, "she's good. I promise. Please let her assistants in. I personally vouch for them."

The young policeman gave a wary nod of his head and waved the others in. Quickly, the room was filled with blooms of all varieties. The scent of roses and gardenias filled the air and the rustle of cellophane and ribbon assaulted the ears. Blooms adorned the window ledge and every free, flat surface of the room. The once bland and rather drab hospital room was transformed into a lush tropical paradise. Kate stared blankly between Rick and the newcomer. "I took the liberty of bringing these too." Margie motioned towards a large platter of delectable looking, fresh fruit and chocolates. "I didn't know if the lady would be allowed but if nothing else, her guests will be well fed. And now..." She pulled out a large gift box with a flourish. "A little something for Kate that I personally added. Open it, please." she intoned, handing the brightly wrapped gift to Kate. Inside was a silk robe and pajama set, adorned with a delicate, hand-painted design of bamboo and blossoms. To Kate, it looked like heaven. The hospital issued gown had done nothing but scratch and irritate her since she had been alert enough to notice.

"I don't know what to say. This is gorgeous but really, you shouldn't have. We don't even know each other and while I'm sure Rick was behind this and he will most definitely hear about this later, it's just too much."

"Nonsense! I have known this boy for nearly a decade and anyone who can turn him into the puddle of mush that I heard over the phone earlier is a friend of mine. You will wear this robe and you will love it. Consider it the gift of a long and lasting friendship. If Rick here has anything to do with it, I have a feeling this won't be the last we will be seeing of each other." The feisty redhead winked over at Rick and nodded towards Kate. "But enough, chit-chat from me. You look like you need your rest and Rick here is starting to look like a cornered beast. I'll take that as my cue to leave. Get well soon, hon." She waved and breezed out of the room, leaving Kate with her jaw drooping lazily open and Rick blushing all number of shades red.

"Kate, Margaret, Margaret, Kate." Rick smiled over at Kate. "She's an old friend, my personal florist and as you can tell...quite the handful."

"Castle...Rick. Really, this..." she waved her hands about the room, "was _not _necessary. I'm a cop, getting shot is kind of a part of the job description. I'm not the kind of girl who needs to be showered with gifts and lavished with attention to be happy. It's already too much just that you have been here so much these past few days. You have a family to think about."

"Kate, _you _are my family. The sooner you realize this and let me _be_ your family, the happier the _entire_ family will be. They love you... _I_ love you. Let us in. Please."

"Rick I..."

"No, please, don't say anything right now. Just let it settle in, marinate for a while..I'm..we're not going anywhere."

"Rick..."

"And besides, I promised Alexis I wouldn't stop telling you until you said it back, so you may as well settle in for the long haul..and really..."

"Oh, for Christ's sake." She gingerly reached behind her head, grabbed a pillow and threw it squarely at his head. "Will you shut up already?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

She rolled her eyes and tried again. "If you would let me get a sentence in edgewise, you'd know that I have been _trying _to tell you that I love you too."

"You..what?" He stared disbelievingly at her. "No way. That was _entirely_ too easy. Who are you and what have you done with my detective?"

"Ha ha, very funny. Really though, Rick..I love you too. More so than you can possibly know. The other night at my place, I keep wondering how things might have been different if I'd just had the courage to tell you then. I've known for a long time and we've wasted so much time already. So many opportunities. So much has been lost..." A harsh sob escaped her lips and she was once again thrown into the awful memories of the preceding week. Her aching torso was racked with a fresh wave of pain. She wasn't sure how much was physical, how much was emotional.

"Kate.." he whispered and with that he leaned over her bed, cupped her face in his hands and gently tried to soothe away the hurt and pain with his lips. It wasn't a rushed or panicked kiss, not like in the alley. There were no fireworks or jolts of electricity to his groin. This kiss was slow and chaste, sweet and delicious. Filled with three years of unspoken love, promises of always. Kate kissed him back, genuinely and soundly. When they slowly broke apart and looked each other in the eye, this time there was no embarrassment, no guilt. Just two matching grins and the ever present, if slightly more insistent beep of the heart monitor. He brushed a stray hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "That was..."

"Amazing." she finished for him. "Yeah."

Kate closed her eyes and let the butterflies flapping wildly in her belly sooth her into a quiet sleep.

Rick just sat. And stared, smiled a goofy grin. And thanked the universe for once again being on his side.

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><p>The End? I think so. For now at least.<p>

I'm going to mark this as a big break. I'm not entirely sure where I want this to go. It wasn't even close to where I envisioned declarations of love happening and not at all in the way I had planned either. I apologize again for making you guys wait so long.

Turns out writing fic on paper isn't nearly as easy as it is in my noggin. :D Still, for my first go around the block it wasn't so painful that I won't be inspired to try again. If you all will have me.

To those of you who hung around to this point, no words can express my thanks. For all the reviews and favorites and marks, they made my day. Thank you!


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